I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
