Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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