She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
