I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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