i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
