The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
