JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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