My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Duck Duck Cougar?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
