I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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