used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
