I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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