Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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