Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.đź’¨
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