I wish my penis had an off switch
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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