I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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