dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
