hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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