Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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