the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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