please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
