Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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