She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
