If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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