Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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