You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
