Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
