Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
3 2 1 whiskey
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
