it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
