We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
