we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
