we're blogging at a bar
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
