im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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