so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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