I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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