it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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