So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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