then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
