Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
