Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
