I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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