As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
