Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I could make wine with my vomit
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
