I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
