i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
