just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
