I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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