Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
