I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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