if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
