I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
