i don't like sucking hair
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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