At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
